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Poem-ish Dog Story

<span style="color:green">This was my attempt at a poem, which i cant do poems :? But i tried, and this is the best one i have ever came up with. This was probably... 6-8 months ago I wrote this, and you would be amazed how quickly you can change over that amount of time.<br>Anyways, im a story writer, not a poem writer, and if you'd like to read any of my other stories or anything, PM me and I'll give you my Fictionpress link so you can look at the whole.. 1 story I have on there :wink: And essays, i write essays pretty good. So if you want me to write my opinion on somthing, also message me :D </span><br><br><br>His fur was dirty,<br>Clumped with Mud<br>His eyes were dark,<br>But Filled with love<br>His tail wagged slowly,<br>As he watched the people walk by,<br>Desperate for another try<br>His body was weak,<br>He hadn’t eaten for a while<br>Yet he stood strong and tried even harder<br>His days were numbered,<br>If he stood alone,<br>So he continued his search for another home.<br>Yet no matter how cute he looked,<br>No matter how hard he tried to stay happy,<br>And no matter how he tried to look on the Brightside,<br>He was alone in this world,<br>No one would take him<br>Was he not meant for this earth?<br>Would he ever find someone who cares?<br>Would anyone stop their daily routine,<br>To think about someone in need?<br>He wandered the street,<br>He wandered far,<br>Yet no one cared, but how?<br>No matter how dirty he was,<br>No matter how hopeless he may have seemed,<br>He was a bright dog, one with a loving heart,<br>Yet no one looked beyond,<br>Him being the dog on the street<br>No one realized that their carelessness would cost a life,<br>For this dog wandered in the wrong direction,<br>Down the highway he went in the dark, <br>The lights confused him, the noises scared him.<br>His tail stopped wagging,<br>His heart was broken,<br>His eyes stopped shinning,<br>And he soon found himself choking,<br>Choking for air as he lied on the ground<br>Hit by a car and all alone,<br>How he wished he could have been found<br>But the cars went by, as his breathing slowed down.<br>He died that night, only to be known as,<br>The dog on the street
All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
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Comments

  • Ok, I myself write poems, have achieved awards for them.<br><br>Ok, here's ways to make your poem better:<br><br>1. You don't have to capitilize the first word of every sentence, that's the old-fashioned poems. You only have to capitilize the first word of every sentence.<br><br>2. It needs a steady beat. Instead of really long lines, rhyming with short ones.<br><br>3. The word you're rhyming (if any) need to be clear at what they are rhyming with.<br><br>4. You're poem is a story, just told in more of a beat. Some people get poems better then stories, because as stories drift on, poems just go with the flow.<br><br>5. Try putting your heart & soul into the writing. Even though you don't know this dog, give him a bigger personality, a real personality.<br><br>Hope those tips helped. Otherwise, it was a good poem.
  • Like i said, im a writer rather than a poem-ist... lol, thats not a word... I cant rhym, so i simply dont (poems dont HAVE to rhym)<br><br>I have another one too about a dog, ill post it later, i dont know where i have it writen at :D I could post stories, but they're all way too long to put on here... :wink:<br><br>Thanks for the advice :D
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • Like i said, im a writer rather than a poem-ist... lol, thats not a word... I cant rhym, so i simply dont (poems dont HAVE to rhym)<br><br>I have another one too about a dog, ill post it later, i dont know where i have it writen at :D I could post stories, but they're all way too long to put on here... :wink:<br><br>Thanks for the advice :D
    <br><br>No, they don't have to rhyme, but they do have to have rhythim. A steady beat.<br>As like music.
  • Im not good with rythem either ^_^ lol. I LOVE music, but could never right it. Im more better at righting thoughts. Like when i write a story, i can really get into the characters mind and totally change my whole personality.<br><br>-Writing is the accepted form of being schitzophrenic
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • i like it<br><br>but being more of a story song writer myself. i cant give any good critque
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  • Thanks :wink: <br><br>Yeah, i dont know much about poems and such, I just wrote that one, and the other one i did because i was bored, lol.
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • i write alot of poetry...and have since i was like 8<br>umm<br>poems dont have to rhyme...just need a beat...a rythum.....it seems like your struggling to pyhme not caring if it makes sense or not...and thats not good=]
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  • I liked it just the way it was.<br>I think Rhythm is also for old poems.<br>& it's all in how you say it, your voice gives a poem it's stalls and pauses, so each person who reads it makes it there own.<br>Pffffft.
  • lolo94 wrote:
    i write alot of poetry...and have since i was like 8<br>umm<br>poems dont have to rhyme...just need a beat...a rythum.....it seems like your struggling to pyhme not caring if it makes sense or not...and thats not good=]
    <br><br>Uhhm, the whole thing makes sense... What part of it isnt making sense to you?
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • Never mind, i get what your saying. I was trying to ryhm some things. It all makes sense, but it doesnt flow right the way I used the words trying to rhym.
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
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