I don't even know.

Sea Oats · August 2010

Truly, this is about to be suck a big jumble of emotion, I don't know what to title it. Get ready. If none of this makes sense, I'm sorry. I normally don't vent on here about RL issues, but I honestly have nobody to talk to about this, not even to my own mother. As some of you know, I have a friend living with me, and have since the beginning of June. She's here permanently, for reasons I won't discuss here. Just a bad home situation, and she doesn't really have anywhere else to go. Until we graduate and can move out on our own. Alright, fine, that's cool. We shared a bed for about a month, then we finally got our own beds a little over a month ago, but we're still sharing my room. I'm the kind of person that needs -my- space. I need -me- time. My room is my place, the one thing I have to myself, and I don't have that anymore. Quite frankly, it's stressing me out. My insomnia has hit me hard and full on since this switch, and I've stopped eating like I should. I can't help it, it's who I am and I'm stressed out. This leads to me being grumpy and irritated, as a lack of sleep is expected to do. I truly can not help it. My mom just calls me weird or tells me to suck it up, like I can help the fact that I'm up half the night. Cause, ya know, everyone thoroughly enjoys that exhausted drained feeling all the time and dark rings under their eyes. First things first, our personalities clash. She's loud, messy, not the cleanest person, we like totally different music, have different views on most things, and we're different right down to the TV shows we watch. I have someone the total opposite of me living in my room, sharing my space. It's not only frustrating, it again, stresses me out. I'm easily stressed, I'm a worry wart, I'm just a jittery person. Second, everything in the house is now about her. My mom feels sorry for her, so she caters to her every need, and expects everyone else to do the same. She works 6 days a week, but she doesn't have a car and I do, so I take her to work and pick her up every single day. Meaning, I can't go hang out with anyone else or do anything for more than a few hours, because I just have to be back to pick her up. My mom doesn't like to help me out with this. Yesterday, for example, she had to work 1PM-7PM. I dropped her off, and went to hang out with my best friend. I had asked my mom if she could pick her up from work, because I wouldn't be home. She told me 'whatever, I guess I'll drop my plans so I can be home to pick her up. get out of my house, I don't even want to look at you. you make me sick.' as I'm leaving. I feel the least my mom can do is pick her up from work once in a while. She tells me 'when she moved in here, you made a commitment.' She's not a dog, nor is she my child, you let her move in, so she's your responsibility just as much as she is mine, if she is any of my responsibility. Third. Everyone fights. Everyone argues. And two teenagers sharing a room is bound to spring up an argument. My friend can talk to my mom about anything and everything. But if I so much as mention her name to my mom, I'm 'awful' and 'selfish' and 'look what she's been through'. Ok, I get it. Rejection from a parent is an AWFUL thing to go through, I know, I've been going through it with my dad for THIRTEEN YEARS. Everyone needs to vent to someone, and if I can't vent to my mom, who else can I vent to? Nobody knows the situation as well as my mom. CUATRO! So. She has separation anxiety.. from me. -_- She's really insecure, and she doesn't see that. My mom and I do, but 'if you say anything to her about it, so help me God..' so I just have to live with it and pretend she's normal. I can't go anywhere when she's at home and enjoy myself, because I have her and my mom texting me the whole time I'm gone, asking me who I'm with or where I'm at or when I'll be home. This goes back to my leaving when she's at work. I do it for a reason, so it doesn't matter to her whether I'm gone or not. If I left when she was at home, I'd be yelled at. For example, Erin has been my best friend for twelve years, it will be twelve years in October that we have been friends. We've never fought or argued, we're pretty much carbon copies of each other. I went out with Erin one night, we got pizza and rented a couple movies, just a chill night at her house. My set curfew is midnight, but I have never had a curfew when I'm with Erin. She texted me around 9:30PM, asked me what time I would be home. I told her around 11, because we were trying to finish the movie we just started. I didn't think it was a big deal. As I'm getting home, it was about 11:30 or 11:45, I come in and immediately get jumped on. 'What happened to 11? Huh? Why are you so late?' WHAT ARE YOU, MY GIRLFRIEND? Seriously. I've known Erin for a LONG time, longer than I've even known you were even ALIVE. Five-o. Stetson. Pretty much everyone on here that knows me, knows what this name means. He's been my boyfriend for 3 years. THREE. And I'm perfectly happy with our situation. He's in the Navy, and I don't get to see him a whole lot. But I love him, so I'm alright with that. Guess who isn't? BINGO. My friend. He was home on leave in early July, and he came and stayed with us for 5 days. My mom has always loved him, always gotten along with him, and she's been fine with me dating him from the very beginning. My friend left. She was only here one night that he was here. She decides to let me know why. 'I'm a jealous person, and I don't like the attention you give him.' uh, I hadn't seen him in 8 months.. it's not my fault you treat me like you're my jealous girlfriend. She then proceeded to call me stupid and naive for thinking that it was ever going to work out with him, because 'it's not going to work, and honestly, I don't want to be your friend long enough to watch it fall apart and have to pick up the pieces.' First, what real friend would say that to you and mean it? A real friend wouldn't. Second, I don't need her to pick up any pieces. But I would like to point out the situation, and YOU tell ME who's been picking up who's pieces for the past 3 months. I've only known this friend since February, so I've only really gotten to know her for 6 months. I've known Stetson for 3 and a half years. And regardless of whether we're together in a relationship or not, he's still one of my best friends. Someone I can tell anything to, trust with anything. I honestly couldn't care less if she likes Stetson, I don't need her approval, but I would like her to respect how I feel, and she doesn't. Obviously. I'm not trying to sound whiny. Or annoying. Or like I just want my way. That's not what it is at all. It's the simple fact that, as much as she's going through, and as much as she's had to change.. I've had to change too. I'm struggling with this situation just as much as she is. Maybe on a different scale, but we've all had to make changes in our lives, not just her. But it's all about her. All the time. Like she's the only one going through this. My mom's thing is 'you don't think I've ever changed anything in my life for you?' Mom, I know you have. I do, but that's different. You're not seventeen. You CHOSE to have children. You knew what kind of sacrifices you'd have to make. I'm still in highschool, and I'm sacrificing a LOT just because I'm trying to help someone out, and it's done nothing but blow up in my face. I can't talk to her about the situation, because she just calls me selfish and uncaring. That's not it at all. My friend won't talk to me about the situation, and I don't want to bring it up if she doesn't want to talk about it. But my mom tells me 'she doesn't talk to you because you don't care'. I just don't know how to help her. I can't fix this, and I can't make it better. Only time can do that. I'm not angry at anyone, I don't dislike anyone in this situation. I just wish everyone would take into consideration that, sure, it's not easy for her, but it's just as hard on me. It's just as stressful. And nobody seems to want to realize that. Or they just don't want to admit it. If you read all that, cookies to you.

Alabama · August 2010

You sound like blood siblings. I'm guessing she moved in because you were both close, perhaps even as close or closer than sisters before. Not knowing the situation, it may be that she's lost emotionally, either she deserted her family or her family deserted her and you came through for her. Maybe even a bit of hero worship there. I used to get the same kind of responses from my mother when I complained about my sister (we shared a room most of our lives), "She's younger, she looks up to you, she's jealous, she just wants to be with you... grow up". Unfortunately for her, I happened to be the "messy" one in the room, while her side was always neat as a pin. As for the alone time, I used to lose myself in books, even if it meant having a "hiding" place outside somewhere. If I were in the house, my sister was right under me. She didn't like going outside, was afraid of insects. Of course, me chasing her around with praying mantises and grasshoppers and such didn't instill that fear in her. Mhuahahaha! If there's something you like to do, find a place to do it that she doesn't and sneak off to it when things start getting to you. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or to get a snack and just don't come back for a while. You might also try talking to her about feeling suffocated and explain that sometimes, you need alone time and would appreciate it if she just let you be by yourself. (Although that never worked with my sister). The stuff with Stetson does sound like jealousy and/or fear. She says those things because you have a good relationship while every relationship in her life, except the one with your family has fallen apart. Stetson may seem like a threat to her relationship with you, that she's going to again lose something very important to her, her friendship with you.

Celia_1234321 · August 2010

I read it all. Mostly >.< The stuff with Stetson i can relate. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and one of my friends who doesn't know him very well, is always telling me i shouldn't be with him, it wont work out, blah blah blah. She doesn't personally know him so it doesnt really bother me, just let it go. It really only matters what you think and what you feel for Stetson. (:

Kazuko · August 2010

None of my friends like(d) Vincent. xD Nor did my father or stepmom. Think of it this way- you have what? Another year? to deal with this crap, and then you can wander off and live with Stetson. There's a quote from a song I overuse when it comes to situations like this: "If the burden seems too much to bear, remember the ends will justify the pain it took to get us there." You can always vent to me. I'll eventually get the story straight. xD;

Sea Oats · August 2010

Bama - We were very close before she moved in, which is another reason this situation is upsetting me. We barely even talk anymore. I've been hanging out with Erin a LOT more lately, because honestly the only real face to face conversation I ever get is when I'm with her. I stayed over at her house last night, and I think I smiled and talked more than I have in months. Like I said, I'm not mad at anyone, I just wish my family could understand the stress I'm under, too, instead of my mom just pushing it to the side like it's nothing. I got off work yesterday and the first thing my mom said to me was 'When are you going to Erin's?' And asked me another 4 or 5 times before I actually left, almost like she -wanted- me to leave. \: And I'll admit, I'm a messy person, but I'm not dirty. One of the issues we had when we still shared a bed, that drove me NUTS, was she would get off work (at a doggy daycare, so not the cleanest, or best smelling job) and come home and take a nap in our SHARED bed without taking a shower. I get this from my mom, I am OCD about the cleanliness of my bed. I have to have a shower before I go to bed at night, even if I've just laid around the house all day. But now that there are two of us in my room, the mess is ridiculous, and I'm usually the one that snaps and has to clean it up by myself because she doesn't want to help. And we share a bathroom with my 14 year old sister.. who is also messy and not the cleanest or most caring person in the world. So when I left last night the bathroom looked like a hurricane hit it.. and surprisingly enough, none of the mess is mine. I said something about the mess and my mom goes 'if it bothers you so much, clean it up yourself.' I'm not a maid, and the only thing on the bathroom counter that belonged to me was my hairbrush. It's so frustrating. >.< My mom's end of the house stays clean, so she doesn't have to look at it. I do, and it drives me crazy. I've been reading a lot lately, too. But we live in an apartment complex so even the bathroom is in a really central place.. and it's not very clean. >.< I've gotten to where I'll hop in my car and just drive. We live in a pretty small town with a lot of farm roads, or I'll go down to the lake. But I just know I have to eventually go home, and then I'll be questioned as to where I've been. I guess you're right about Stetson. She's said things about Erin that bother me, too. Like, she got mad one day when I was over here and called me to blow up in my face 'fine, go have fun with Erin, maybe she'll tell you all the lies you need to hear'. It's the stupid teenage drama I try every single day at school to avoid, and I'm living with it. She's turning into someone I can't stand to even look at. Celia - Like I said, I'm happy with my relationship. Hell, I'll even admit that right now, it's not even really a real relationship. But the distance is daring.

I figure at this point, if it was going to crash and burn because of the Navy, it would have by now. Sure, it may end because of something else, but we're both well over the distance. Kyt -

I love you. And, you get my situation with Stetson probably better than anyone. The next 9 months are gonna fly by, and that's what I have to look forward to. Graduation day, then getting the hell out of here and never coming back. My friend goes 'You realize if you leave your mom's not going to let you come back' 1. Generally, if you leave, you don't plan on coming back.. and I don't. 2. She's my mother, and she wouldn't let me just live on the streets. -_-

Kazuko · August 2010

After all, what's the worst that can happen when you leave? Your mother will stop talking to you. My dad did. xD But then I realize I'm too busy to call him anyway. Especially now that I have a puppy. You're welcome to ninja down here any time you want, and we can splash around at the beach with Kira or somethin' while Vincent's off at school or something fun like that. That way if dear Miss Cellophane asks where you are, you can be like "I'm not even in the same state as you. Take the bus." Another song..."She clings to me like cellophane, fake plastic submarine, slowly driving me insane, but now that's over." (Even if that's like. A bad breakup song. xD)

Sea Oats · August 2010

Kazuko wrote:

After all, what's the worst that can happen when you leave? Your mother will stop talking to you. My dad did. xD But then I realize I'm too busy to call him anyway. Especially now that I have a puppy. You're welcome to ninja down here any time you want, and we can splash around at the beach with Kira or somethin' while Vincent's off at school or something fun like that. That way if dear Miss Cellophane asks where you are, you can be like "I'm not even in the same state as you. Take the bus." Another song..."She clings to me like cellophane, fake plastic submarine, slowly driving me insane, but now that's over." (Even if that's like. A bad breakup song. xD)

My mom barely talks to me as-is, so I don't see that as being much of a problem anyway. I'd love to come visit and meet the puppy.

I may just have to do that one weekend. We'll actually be down there next week, but that's with the family. A whole week of 'family fun' away from computers and cell phone service. Joy.

Kazuko · August 2010

Vincent and I are taking the puppy to the beach pro'lly Saturday to get her used to the water. Just gotta find a beach that doesn't mind us bringing a dog. ._.;

Cybergirl · August 2010

Aww Im sorry Vi. I really hope your situation works out. If you ever want to talk send me a pm. Or im me.

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